3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
