He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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