Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
