I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
