omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
