It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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