i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
