This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
