dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize