I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
