I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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