What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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