Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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