Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
