they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
