im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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