you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
