we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
