ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
