i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
