Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
