I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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