we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
