i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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