I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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