in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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