Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize