if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize