Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
