apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
