so let's talk penis.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
