I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
