Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
