so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
