Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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