Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
