you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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