Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
