im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
