respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
