Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
