TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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