even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
