....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
