Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
