And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
