home. puking in laundry basket.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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