when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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