she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
