I haven't been this sober since birth.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
