You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
