Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
