it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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