I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
