is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
