i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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