so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
pray to the hookup gods
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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