before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
