this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
as a side note pls kill me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
