I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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