Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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