these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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