I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
