I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
