Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
