Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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