Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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