I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
